It’s not quite like mail-order brides, but if all y’all are having as much trouble as you say you are with dating in your own city, why not import? That’s right. Bring dates from other zip codes into your geographical fold. You can do this via online dating sites (as my colleague says, “Thank god you can just order online. Keeps thing simple. Seriously.”) or, when you’re traveling, gather men (or women) as you would souvenirs. A love in every port. You’ll never be without. I highly recommend it. Just be prepared to be very honest about your feelings. A visit gone wrong can be AWK-ward. A visit gone right though? Swoooon.
I think I’ve said this before, but I love pick-up lines. There’s an art to using them effectively in that you have to convey sincerity about wanting to talk to your objet d’amour – but at the same time you want to be using the line ironically because if you’re dead serious when you say the one about how you didn’t know angels could fly so low, you’re gonna look silly. Maybe creepy. You want it to be like, you know it’s a cheesy up line, but you want to make her/him laugh because you want to talk to him/her. Right?
I think we should change “pick up line” to conversation starter. It simply gets you in there. No one will remember what you said to get the conversation going. Or maybe it will be the great story you tell to all your grandkids.
Are you following me? Anyone?
I heard a new one today – probably the least cheesy sounding one I’ve ever heard and it’s good for men and women:
You: Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?
Her/Him: No, how much?
You: Enough to break the ice. Hi, I’m [insert name here]
[Ba dum chhhhhh]
I’m using it. Watch me.
I love this song by Painted Face. It’s so perfectly girly and synthy — a wistful breeze of nostalgia.
Well. I’m over Gym Crush. Yep. Just like that. I went to the gym last night after a 2-month hiatus and, as usual, I saw him just as I was stretching my last stretch and ambling to the locker room ready to go home and eat everything in my fridge even though the calories I burned off didn’t warrant that type of binge.
There he was. On the treadmill. Running a steady pace. I looked at him. He looked ahead, running into nowhere. I kept looking, thinking that this time, I will smile at him. And then I realized that those feelings of excitement and anticipation that used to motivate me to get back on the treadmill (even though I was completely done with my workout) with the hope that I would get up the guts to smile/he would say hi – gone. Just like that. pffft
Our break up reminds me of an article about Vipassana romances. It’s common to fall in love in the meditation room. You won’t say a word to the person you project your feelings onto, but their mere presence makes the back of your neck burn. You daydream about their gentle hands and hunky biceps — wait, that’s for gym crushes. Anyway, you get the picture. This fantasy keeps you going through the difficult task of clearing your mind/becoming a hard body. And then when you don’t need the fantasy anymore, the feelings fade.
For some reason, I don’t need Gym Crush anymore. I didn’t exactly reach hard-body status. But maybe I’m tired of
leering at pining for someone who has absolutely no clue I exist. Maybe I have enough going on in my life that there’s just no room for him anymore.
The gym was already losing it’s luster and now the one motivation that lured me there and made me run at a 6.3 pace rather than 5.8 pace is no longer. So I’m canceling tomorrow.
I like my yoga crush better anyway. I mean, I can’t not have a crush.
How do girls like to be approached in public? Say, I see a pretty girl in the post office. How would I approach her? Make jokes about the slow service?
G in North Carolina
YES! I love it. I think finding a situation-appropriate conversation opener is perfect. Not every woman will take to that – though I feel like the Citizens of the South tend to talk to each other quite a bit, so it wouldn’t be that far out of left field. (In DC, on the other hand, strangers talking to each other usually means someone’s getting mugged. I kid. I kid.)
I think the key with the approach is to get in, say what you need to say, and get out. You want to be intriguing, not creepy, which can be a fine balance with women. Not that you’re creepy – but some women are guarded. Also, gauge her response. If she’s overtly flirting back, continue. If she’s shy and unsure, find a way to get in touch with her later and say goodbye. Don’t overstay your welcome.
A guy at my gym picked me up in a very strategic way. He stopped me one day as I plowed through my workout, asked my name and chatted with me for a couple minutes. Found out just enough about me so that when we ran into each other again a week or two later, he remembered my name, what we talked about and had an idea for a date that was not threatening (he invited me to his book club). We ended up going to Barnes & Noble and bought each other our favorite books. He was quiet, patient and thoughtful in his approach and that made me feel comfortable.
Maybe you crash and burn a couple times before you get it right. But that’s ok. Good practice because dating is a numbers game.
Personally, I love the funny approach and creative pick up lines are hilarious and such a good ice breaker. Not all women feel this way which is such a shame. Sigh. Good luck out there!
I’ll be there signing books (BYOBook or buy one of mine), and having cocktails with local artist Dana Ellyn, who creating paintings inspired by my book! Her show will be up at Tryst through Feb. 8. More info and to RSVP.
I met E. through eHarm in October and we saw each other a few times and had a good time. He was also seeing someone else and stopped seeing me, but there were no hard feelings at all. It was kind of weird because he had been texting me often and I hadn’t heard from him for about five days when he told me he was going to see where this other relationship went. I was kind of irritated that he told me via text, but still, no hard feelings–barely knew the guy.
Fast forward a couple months and E. starts texting me again and asks if he can take me to dinner. I go, we have a nice time, he texts me all through the weekend saying what a great time he had and we make plans do something the following week. We text a little more and then when the day of our date comes up, I never hear from him! I was not going to budge because I had just read “the Rules” (which I hate btw) but later in the evening I sent him a text seeing if we still have plans…nothing.
I actually do like this person, and am afraid that “the rules” may have made it appear that I wasn’t interested and that I should let him know that I would like to see him, the other part of me thinks, if he wanted to see me he would call. I just don’t know what to do! I do know that I hate “the rules” and I HATE texting.
Dear West Coast,
Why do you like someone who made plans with you and didn’t follow through? You didn’t imagine it. He texted you to ask you out. And then you texted him that night and he didn’t text you back? Girl, we know he had his phone on him. Because he’s always texting. He’s texting to go out. He’s texting to break up. He’s texting to flirt. And you HATE texting. (Another reason to walk away without looking back.) Do you know why you hate texting so much? Probably the same reason I do. It’s non committal when it’s not combined with real contact like a phone call or a DATE YOU PLANNED.
Also, people that text that much don’t just spontaneously stop texting one evening. Unless perhaps a family emergency comes up. But if it did, and he cared about your feelings and wanted to see you again, he would have texted or called to let you know he had to break your plans. This person is dating around (which is okay) and dicking you around (not okay).
So here’s this guy who seems lukewarm about going out with you. So lukewarm that he didn’t bother to tell you the date was off. Doesn’t matter how much fun your other dates with him were. Do you really want to be treated like that? I think you deserve more and that it’s more productive for you to leave yourself open to someone who is worth your time.
If E. does text or call and is sorry and wants to go out again, and you really want to give it a shot, ask him why you didn’t hear from him. See how you feel when you hear the reason. If it feels legit: go. It’s not that big of a deal. You’re not losing face if you want to see what happens. But see if there’s a pattern. If there is, you’ll know better for next time. I’ve learned my lesson with this business through exactly this kind of trial and error. And sometimes you just have to feel the burn a few times to know it’s just not worth that extra dinner.
However, I guarantee the texting pattern isn’t going anywhere. It’s like dating someone with bad breath. It just doesn’t go away. You have been warned!
[I’m not addressing The Rules thing on purpose because I don’t see how it’s a factor. You said yes to a date and followed up the night of the date even when you never heard from him. A Rules Girl would never follow up. She’s too busy washing her hair or some shit like that.]