Monthly Archives: February 2011

The Price of True Love

girl asking out a guy

Um, so, I just broke up with your best friend, but you wanna go out?

Dear ss,

Is it ok to ask a guy out after he has met my exboyfriend in the past? I have always liked this guy, and once I became single, I asked him out. He isn’t as wealthy as my ex,  however I’m looking for true love now. Please advise.

Sincerely,

K. via email

Dear K.,

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking out someone who has met your ex in the past. Unless there’s more to the situation that just that. (Like, they met and are now besties and you stand to create a huge rift in their friendship. Not that I think you would do that.) If they are merely acquaintances, who cares?

Though I am wondering how long you dated your ex and how long you waited after you broke up to ask the new guy out. Are you hesitant because your break up is still fresh? I’m a big believer in downtime between relationships. Even if you’re not feeling hurt by the break up per se, I think it’s important to wipe the slate clean with some time alone to regroup.

I think it’s great that you asked him out, and I’m glad you’re overlooking financial status. You can’t put a price on love. (Yes. That’s right. I used a terrible cliche. But you can’t.) I have to ask though, were you not looking for true love before??

xo, ss

Second Chances

brad womack

Just because he shows up with roses doesn't mean he deserves a second chance. Even The Bachelor Brad Womack. (ABC: I'm talking to you. Cut the cord.)

I had a LONG conversation last night about second chances. Second chances in the vein of when you think the he or she in your life deserves one. I’ve given a second chance – even a third and fourth – several times in my life. They haven’t worked. None were disastrous per se, but we mostly ended up re-enacting the orginal relationship we had–the one that didn’t work the first time. The second time around ended in exactly the same way as the first along with the compounded fatigue of having to work so hard just to make it…work. So much emotional labor.

My mom and dad always say dating relationships shouldn’t be that hard. The true trials and tests come along when you get married. Yes, relationships take work and sacrifice. But it should be feel good to put out that effort. The relationship should not want to make you stab out your eyeballs and/or need three naps a day because you are worn out from trying so hard.

But then, second chances to work for some people. I know they do. When is it right? Anyone have any stories?

Happy Valentine’s Day Lovies!

I love any day that involves jelly-filled gummy candy. You’ll find me at Trader Joe’s this eve in line for Lovey Gummy Tummies. xoxo

yummy tummy hearts

trader joe's tummy hearts

Imported Goods (dates that is)

texas man

Men from Texas are h-o-t.

It’s not quite like mail-order brides, but if all y’all are having as much trouble as you say you are with dating in your own city, why not import? That’s right. Bring dates from other zip codes into your geographical fold. You can do this via online dating sites (as my colleague says, “Thank god you can just order online. Keeps thing simple. Seriously.”) or, when you’re traveling, gather men (or women) as you would souvenirs. A love in every port. You’ll never be without. I highly recommend it. Just be prepared to be very honest about your feelings. A visit gone wrong can be AWK-ward. A visit gone right though? Swoooon.

The Term Formerly Known As “Pick-Up Line”

polar bear

Hey Baby, You must be tired because you've been running through my mind all day or Baby, My balls should be frozen to this polar icecap, but they're not because you keep me sizzlin'.

I think I’ve said this before, but I love pick-up lines. There’s an art to using them effectively in that you have to convey sincerity about wanting to talk to your objet d’amour – but at the same time you want to be using the line ironically because if you’re dead serious when you say the one about how you didn’t know angels could fly so low, you’re gonna look silly. Maybe creepy. You want it to be like, you know it’s a cheesy up line, but you want to make her/him laugh because you want to talk to him/her. Right?

I think we should change “pick up line” to conversation starter. It simply gets you in there. No one will remember what you said to get the conversation going. Or maybe it will be the great story you tell to all your grandkids.

Are you following me? Anyone?

I heard a new one today – probably the least cheesy sounding one I’ve ever heard and it’s good for men and women:

You: Do you know how much a polar bear weighs?

Her/Him: No, how much?

You: Enough to break the ice. Hi, I’m [insert name here]

[Ba dum chhhhhh]

I’m using it. Watch me.