Well. I’m over Gym Crush. Yep. Just like that. I went to the gym last night after a 2-month hiatus and, as usual, I saw him just as I was stretching my last stretch and ambling to the locker room ready to go home and eat everything in my fridge even though the calories I burned off didn’t warrant that type of binge.
There he was. On the treadmill. Running a steady pace. I looked at him. He looked ahead, running into nowhere. I kept looking, thinking that this time, I will smile at him. And then I realized that those feelings of excitement and anticipation that used to motivate me to get back on the treadmill (even though I was completely done with my workout) with the hope that I would get up the guts to smile/he would say hi – gone. Just like that. pffft
Our break up reminds me of an article about Vipassana romances. It’s common to fall in love in the meditation room. You won’t say a word to the person you project your feelings onto, but their mere presence makes the back of your neck burn. You daydream about their gentle hands and hunky biceps — wait, that’s for gym crushes. Anyway, you get the picture. This fantasy keeps you going through the difficult task of clearing your mind/becoming a hard body. And then when you don’t need the fantasy anymore, the feelings fade.
For some reason, I don’t need Gym Crush anymore. I didn’t exactly reach hard-body status. But maybe I’m tired of
leering at pining for someone who has absolutely no clue I exist. Maybe I have enough going on in my life that there’s just no room for him anymore.
The gym was already losing it’s luster and now the one motivation that lured me there and made me run at a 6.3 pace rather than 5.8 pace is no longer. So I’m canceling tomorrow.
I like my yoga crush better anyway. I mean, I can’t not have a crush.