Dating as Purgatory?


You will learn to like dating dammit.

I had someone describe dating as purgatory to me recently. It was kind of a bummer the way he said it. I’ve also had people email me recently who are just really down about dating and meeting people and themselves in general. I feel for everyone. I’ve been to that place many a time.  And sometimes I feel my way back to it because, for some reason, hating dating is safe and warm and cozy. (And it rhymes, which is catchy.)

But man, it’s just not healthy. It’s the same reason someone told me once that you can’t hate men if you want to date them. (I used to exclaim “Guys suck” a lot.) Same thing with dating. When you feed on that negative energy, you project it — and all those potential dates can smell the stench of sour grapes a mile away. And they will keep their distance.  No one wants to be around that.

BUT what if you could embrace the “enemy” and learn to love it for what it is? What would happen? Would we then all of a sudden have too much fun and not have anything to complain about anymore?

I sound like a goddamn cheerleader, but the more I hear these Debbie Downer strains that used to be so familiar to me, the more I want to jump around in proverbial faces and turn frowns upside down. Dating might suck sometimes, but you can bet on the fact that it will not get better when you complain bitterly about it and feel mad or dissmissive about it.  So the first logical step is to smile at the enemy. Befriend it. Learn to love it. Dance with it. See what happens.


2 responses to “Dating as Purgatory?

  1. That’s a variation of What Doesn’t Kill You Makes You Stronger.

    I used to say “Women are Nuts” in aggravation. And I’ve had women agree with me – “Yep, we’re nuts.” But I’ve never said Women Suck. There’s a distinction there, I think. Women most certainly do not suck. They’re infinitely better than we are.

    So why can’t more of them seem to date, and have fun, and hold themselves to whatever standard they like and let the chips fall where they may?

    For what it’s worth.

  2. The Single Scientist

    That is a very good question. And I don’t know. Maybe bc when women do hold to a standard, she’s deemed “too picky.” And never hears the end of it.

    I do know that women are not nuts. Women are at the mercy of serious hormone play so we can populate this earth. I give men 28 days in a women’s shoes and see how he feels with the ups and down and then people calling them nuts. What is nuts is women calling other women nuts.

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