Normally, I would never condone peacing out on a date before it’s over and while he/she is in the bathroom. BUT, then when it comes to dating and everything else in life, never say never.
A friend was telling me about an impending date. She was worried about the guy not having a beard because she’d seen him once with facial hair and another time without and, well the stubble seemed crucial. I started my nauseating preaching about overlooking the superficial stuff. “He can always grow it back!” I told her. And then this happened (in her words):
OMG – the date….ugh….ok so at first it was great. He was super chatty, HE GREW THE BEARD BACK (haha), asked me a lot of questions about myself and THEN he dropped a major bomb.
We were talking about the show Eastbound & Down and I said that a lot of people tell me I look like April and he was like ‘wow, April’s really hot, that’s a huge compliment’ and I could sort of tell he didn’t agree. So I pushed him a bit and said ‘oh so you don’t think we look alike?’ and he said ‘well, theres a resemblance, but shes just way tanner….and she’s prettier than you.’ Can you imagine how fast my jaw hit the floor?!??! Like, WHO SAYS THAT?! On a first date nonetheless!? So, of course he realized what he had said and tried to justify it by saying that she’s an actress, not a real person and I would never say that he was hotter than Brad Pitt blah blah blah. Whatever. When he was in the bathroom, I peaced out. He txtd me and apologized, and then today he g-chatted me and apologized profusely and said he didn’t remember saying that ‘she was prettier than me.’ Ughhh, another one bites the dust…. 😉
Apparently, I was talking to the wrong person about superficiality. Actually, I don’t think he was being superficial at all. Just stupid.
There are lessons here:
1. Guys, Never, ever, ever EVER tell a girl you want to date, woo, get in the pants of, that someone, even a celebrity, is hotter than her. (This is not a “never say never” situation. Err on the side of caution.) In fact, don’t admit to thinking anyone is hot except for your date on the first few dates. Women aren’t like men. We don’t care that April is an actress and therefore it’s ok for her to be hotter. We want to be the hottest to you. Period. This is one of those things that you don’t actually have to understand. You just do.
2. Ditching a date when you’ve been thoroughly insulted is ok. Ditching a date while the date is in the bathroom after you’ve been thoroughly insulted is ok. I was on a terrible date once and when the guy went to the bathroom he actually said, “I’ll understand if you’re not here when I get back.” I stayed. And he became “Vagina Guy” to all of my friends — “CarrotTop” in The Science of Single. You can read all about him and other miserable, funny, silly, awesome dates I went on starting Jan. 4. (Shameless plug over.)