Monthly Archives: October 2010

Mono Marriage?

Did you hear the one about the woman who marries herself?

This has crossed my mind before in a fleeting “Could one marry oneself to get a pretty dress and fun housewares?” kinda way. I LIKE DRESSES. SUE ME.

wedding dress

Dresses are pretty.

Breaking Up Is Funny Ha-Ha

Sometimes I stress about breaking up with someone even before we are in a relationship that could actually be broken up. I’ve also been known to chug a beer before breaking it off with someone. And I’ve been known to avoid the break up all together. I just *poof* disappear. That’s bad ju-ju though. I don’t do that anymore.

I also don’t like being broken up with. But who does really? I tend to take rejection hard. Like, hard. I could go out with someone just three times and I’ll come undone for weeks after I read the email that says something to the effect of: “I think we’ve reached the end of our course. Thank you for your time and energy.” I might have even been contemplating breaking it off with him and it would still smart something fierce.

I like that this guy Ted Tremper made break ups funny on his blog Break-ups: The Series. I think you will, too. I sort of want to star in one of his short films.

Favorite quote “I don’t like you anymore. At all.” Totally going to use that one.

Country Confessional

RYAN BINGHAM

If my songs ever get famous, I hope Ryan Bingham wants to sing one with me.

No. Not Taylor Swift. Me. I’ve taken to writing bad country songs about heartbreak and love. (I watched Crazy Heart and Honeysuckle Rose back to back, what can I say?) I’ve never written songs before in my life, though I used to write really bad poetry back in high school.

I seem to revel in heartbreak a hair more than the usual lass. Shoot. I’m not really heartbroken right now. But still, my new (only) songs have titles that go: “You Don’t Know That I Wear Bloomers to Bed,” “My Heart Sank,” “Last Season’s Dress (Another’ll Come Along),” and “He’ll Do What He Does (I Told You So).” One even has music to it though I can’t figure out how to actually play it on the guitar. One day I will and I will play it at open mic night, but hopefully  better than I did last week when I was accompanying my friend on the harmonica. Note: I don’t know how to play harmonica.

Too Many Rules

Wake up call: Does a phone call mean that he/she is more interested than if he/she texts?

It has come to my attention that I might have too many dating rules. I came up with this idea myself, though I have a feeling friends of mine reading this are probably slapping their collective foreheads and thinking “OMG I’ve been telling her that for years now.” Sorry. Sometimes I’m s-l-o-w,

I never used to have all these rules. Instead, I was just picky about the guys I went out with. (Too short, bad shoes, hair that blew awkwardly in the breeze—you know the drill.) All the self-help stuff I’ve read—and there’s been a lot—has informed that checklists are a suit of armor—a defense mechanism that keeps you from having to get close someone because no human can possibly meet the ideal most of us have in our head of the perfect specimen.

I’m truly over that checklist (seriously, I will totally date dudes who are [a little] shorter than me), but now I seem to be relying on a formal and traditional method of dating that just might not come to pass in the real world or even be necessary. (I stand firm on no boob grabbing, though.)

I’m thinking my rules might fall under this “suit of armor” business. Because if I set the bar SO high (ie. he can do this, this and this, but if he even does a little bit of that, it’s so over), it’s pretty certain that most guys won’t be able to slap it, no matter how tall they are.

So there it is. I’m still assessing this notion. I’ll let you know how it unfolds.

Is it a sign? Or just a heart?

heart in concrete

It's totally a heart, right? But what does it mean?

I walk over this heart in concrete everyday on my way to work. Whenever I see a heart shape in objects and/or nature like concrete floors, potato chips, clouds, whatever, sometimes I think that maybe that means love is on the way. Really.  I truly, really think that. [And don’t think I didn’t just snort out my Brooklyn Lager typing that silly, pathetic truth.] I mean, I know it’s not true. But I still think it for a fleeting second. I kinda like the whimsical nature of this type of thinking. And hope springs eternal, I suppose.

It’s been a little more than a year since I first saw this here heart. Not much has happened love-wise. But if it DID happen, would that mean it was because of the heart in the concrete?

ORRRRR

What if the heart in cold, hard concrete is a sign that love is not on the way. Concrete hearts are not lovable after all. Wow. That would suck.

Or what if I step on the heart on the floor and that means I’m crushing love?

Mwah ha ha ha ha.

[Just kidding. Love is awesome. And it’s always happening as The Today Show proved today with its seriously awkward wedding.]

Peace friends. I’m going out to nature for the weekend where I’m sure to see lots of heart shapes in leaves and waves in the lake, and nuthatches will be swirling around my head while I trill in a high soprano.