Monthly Archives: August 2010

When you’re single…

…friends give you stuff like this:

grow a loverI’ve had this little gem for a couple years now courtesy of my friend Josh. Ten minutes ago, I plopped the little pink anatomically ambiguous man in a glass of water as instructed because really, what else would a fabulous single woman be doing on a Monday night?

Nothing is happening with Grow A Lover. Or perhaps he’s just slow to make a move. Or maybe I waited to long to make the move. (I love how art mirrors life sometimes.) Or maybe he’s broken. Dammit. He’s broken. I know it.

Today’s lesson: Men never do what you want them to do. Even the strange pink fake ones.

Outsourced Dating

call center

Can't I just date the h-o-t call center guy? He's the one emailing me anyway.

I’m just beginning to like the idea of outsourced call centers (especially the ones in India). No kidding. Everyone at those centers are SO NICE. I’m pretty sure Travelocity uses an Indian call center. I know this because I’ve messed up the last two plane tickets I’ve purchased and had to call to cancel and rebook. The first time, I called the airline and they were a bunch of bulldozing hags who made me want to bang my head against a brick wall (thanks for nothing American Airlines – I will never fly you again). And then I called Travelocity and I had my flight rescheduled in five minutes. Love that.

So outsourcing. Let someone do the customer service for you. I’m all for it. Totally.

But.

But then I read about ViDA, a virtual dating assistant. Not a call center per se, but they’re indeed the middle man hoping to smooth things over in what could be construed as a stressful situation (online dating).

ViDA does the online part of online dating for you and then you go on the date. They help you with your profile, select our pictures and sift through the riff raff. Fine. But then they also “proceed in online interaction for you.” [screech] What? For reals? They email your potential dates? Doesn’t that seem…wrong (for lack of a better word)? Perhaps even fraudulent?  (I’m sure ViDA has some sort of legal something that makes this ok, but still.)

Oh, but don’t worry. Before you go on the date, they debrief you on what was emailed about to get you up to speed on the relationship they’ve started for you.

And then you’re on this date with this person who has essentially started a relationship with your ViDA and expecting the ViDA personality. Hopefully you’re wittier than the call center smooth operator.

My snarkiness and their imposterish behavior aside, this could actually work since I’ve been on plenty of online dates in which the person on the other end did not rise up to meet the online persona they’d crafted for themselves. So it wouldn’t be unexpected exactly to go out with someone you met online and wonder “Is this really the same guy I’ve been exchanging hilarious epic emails with for the last two weeks? Because he’s a DUD.”

But then, what if it works out with the date and then you have to tell your new BF/GF, “Oh yeah [hehe], by the way, you know when we met online?” Sticky wickets.

I’d try it out, but it’s $$$$ and I spent my last two dimes here. Rates: $360 to $1,440/month. Risk is all your own.