Thanks for the abs Mr. Gym Crush(es)

Witness: An actual gym crush. (Not mine.)

After an extended holiday break, my gym crush is back. Finally.

I actually have three gym crushes depending on what time of day I decide to brave the stupid-long lines at the treadmill while everyone and their mother’s aunt conquers 2010 resolutions. But it’s my #1 who is back on the circuit. My fave.

I know a little about Gym Crush because DC is a VERY small town, but I prefer to keep our interaction to a minimum, if not non-existent. I just like knowing he’s there. His presence makes me run a little faster and slap on some heavier weights. The funny thing is, he is totally not my type. And he’s not necessarily all huge and hunky, though I did catch a glimpse of his gym-crushy bicep in the mirror the other day. Meow.

But I know my boundaries. Really. (Though I did have a dream about Gym Crush recently. Not that kind of dream. His mother was there, too, for crying out loud.) I don’t stalk, unlike the guy who I believe has chosen me as a gym crush. I smiled at him ONCE because we were passing each other in the stinky hallway on the way to and fro the locker rooms. And now, he just looks at me. All. The. Time. And he ends up lifting weights near where I’m grunting through a series of boring reps. Sometimes right across from me. He doesn’t understand the gym-crush rules: personal space is key. There should be at least 8 feet between you and your gym crush at any given moment. I usually stick to 15 feet. I wish this guy would recognize it or at least ditch the leering and SAY SOMETHING. Though I think he gets there really isn’t a chance. Nothing personal. Just bad experience. I went on a date with someone from the gym last summer. Bad idea jeans. I’m done with dating people who exist in key compartments of my life: gym, work, across the street, in my building (Bad idea. Bad bad bad bad bad bad bad idea.)

But there’s nothing wrong with admiring from afar. And I can’t think of a better incentive to go to the gym. I will thank Gym Crush one day for my 6-pack abs and Smith & Wesson guns.

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10 responses to “Thanks for the abs Mr. Gym Crush(es)

  1. I used to get excited when I’d be in the gym and one of the hot girls would come in and take a treadmill right in front of me. But eventually I learned that the better motivator is to workout near a fatty and remind yourself of what your dating opportunities will look like if you don’t work harder.

    I don’t mind the carrot, but I think the stick is more effective.

    • The Single Scientist

      bl1y: I think my gym crush is more about having someone who seems kind in the same room as me while I trudge through muscle tearing and less about sex. That sounds silly. But there it is. p.s. All sizes and shapes are loved on this blog.

  2. You’re lucky. I’m just crushed on by cougars.

    • The Single Scientist

      hangerbaby: Nothing wrong with a little cougar-cub lust. Open yourself to it!

    • hangerbaby, you have no idea. Cougars are thebomb.com. Married, divorced, whatever. Chances are, they’re bored and have nothing to do but work out and look sexy for you.

      Plus, the simple fact remains: They have more experience than you. This means they’ll probably rock your world. Not only that, they’re just so GRATEFUL. So quit your bitchin, and tap that shit.

      • The Single Scientist

        TSP: While I think you’re generalization of Cougars is a bit prime-time driven (really? cougars who have nothing to do?), I’m very happy that there are so many men reading this blog. It’s a nice surprise.

  3. I’m a younger guy. I prefer the young and on the verge of being illegal girls myself. I want to say it’s the innocence factor, but who am I kidding. It’s 2010.

    • Apparently you’ve never watched The Graduate.

      hangerbaby, not to give too much away, but I’m 27. Younger girls have no clue. They think just because they’re touching it that it feels good. Spot the cougar with the jammin body, and hit it. I guarantee you’ve never had anything like it.

      Oh, and did I mention the complete and utter lack of drama? They don’t whine, or want to know if they can be your girlfriend now. They are totally aware that you’re not getting married. You can date if you want, but really, they don’t expect anything other than an orgasm or ten.

      Good talk. See ya out there.

  4. Pingback: 2010: The Year You Find Love « The Science of Single

  5. Pingback: Stat Naps: Things friends buy you when you’re single, Part II | The Science of Single

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