I’ve been dating this guy for about a month and it was going pretty well until he stopped making plans with me as much. A friend set us up because it seemed like we were both in the same place (i.e. wanting to settle down), but when I mentioned to our friend that he hadn’t been making plans, he was like, oh yeah, that’s just how he is. What? He wasn’t like that before and we were open with each other right off the bat with what we want. But now I can hardly nail him down for a phone conversation. I will say he’s going to school at night and working full time and has finals coming up…and he volunteers. But still. Why won’t he make a plan with me? I think I need to have a talk with him.
No One Puts Baby in the Corner
No, no one should ever put you in the corner. You are a gem and deserve the best. But wait! [screeeeeeeeeech] I can’t believe these words are coming from my mouth because I’m usually the one wanting things to progress IMMEDIATELY. And I’ve always said a man without a plan is an uninterested man
But seriously, hold on. Don’t jump the gun with this. I was with you up until the part when you got to his schedule. Dude is BUSY. Like really, really busy. And you’ve only been dating a month. You may have shared a lot of personal things, but you aren’t committed yet. Let him breathe and get through finals. He may also need to assess how he’s feeling about you, and that’s easier to do from a distance. Maybe you should do the same thing, too. You don’t know him that well. Why are you in such a hurry to jump into things with him? And also, you know that if you bring this up with him right now, when he’s jammed for time and studying for finals, chances are he’s going to run far away from you. Let him get through his stuff first so that if things don’t change and you do need to talk to him about how you are feeling, he will focus on you and not the 100 million things he has to do to get through the day. You’ll both the happier.
And in the meantime, go on some dates. Do your own thing. He WILL notice if you are less available. Men may be completely obtuse to the subtle signals women send and think are so obvious, but they can smell waning interest miles away. Promise.
And if he doesn’t come around, he’s probably gay, which is what my friend’s friend’s mother told her whenever a guy didn’t like her. It’s terrible logic, but you know what, it brings some levity to disappointing situations. And if he’s not interested, he might as well be gay to you. And sometimes, it might turn out that he really is gay, and that, my friend NOPBITC, is a bullet dodged.