What do men want?

What on earth does he want? Sex? Spoon? Buddy?

Dear SS,

Why is it that boys I used to date, who didn’t want to date me before are now coming out of the woodwork to check in with me? Texts, emails…I’ve never been so popular! But, seriously, what’s up with that? What do these dudes want?

Sincerely,

Not All Washed Up

Dear NAWU,

First of all, we need to get you a new acronym. NAWU sounds like a NYC neighborhood knock off. How about Young And Hot (YAH)? I like that. So anyway…YAH…I feel ya, though this strange phenomenon usually happens to me on or around Christmas. On one hand, it’s comforting to be noticed again by someone(s) who perhaps didn’t notice you enough the first time. But—and this is a serious but—I’m not so sure it’s worth exploring because, as you point out, what is it that these boys/dudes truly want? My immediate answer is, if you’re wondering, ask them. Seriously. I mean, don’t be all weird about it. Ease your way into a conversation to ask them what their intentions are. If they’re on the up and up, it shouldn’t be too hard for them to respond. And if they can’t, well, um, that sucks.

Since you haven’t asked them what they want (I love that there’s a them here. Good on you!) and asked me instead, I consulted my panel of males last night at this awesome new bar for their thoughts:

Married Male: He’s either realizing he made a mistake or he’s looking to fuck her. He’s probably looking to fuck her.

Young 20s Male (in a relationship): Who cares? But yeah, probably.

No, these words aren’t especially comforting. Insights into the male psyche can be rather disquieting because those insights are rarely laced with anything women truly want to hear. It always feels like Tough Love 101. There are no rose-colored glasses or soft edges.

But I have to agree with both of my males. One: He, or they in your case, are looking to get wit you. They may also be having second thoughts in general about not wanting to date you. The question is, are you? (Rule #1, always ask yourself what you want versus worrying so much about what they want, because sister,  you might jump a cliff from all the wondering and analyzing of what someone else wants. Go with what you know.) Don’t get me wrong, I’ve re-dated plenty. But it always ends up being the same exact relationship as the first incarnation. That doesn’t mean it can’t work out and isn’t worth pursuing. That’s just been my experience.

The other thing, YAH: Are you comfortable being a Holiday Hook-Up? Yes is an appropriate answer here. Having someone(s) to spoon during the shortest days of the year is nothing to sneeze at. And sometimes it’s OK to assess close up what didn’t work out before forging into the new year with a new lease on dating. However, be careful not to slip into settling because there doesn’t seem to be anyone else around. In these cases, go home alone. It’s okay. Really.

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One response to “What do men want?

  1. Pingback: What do men want? « The Science of Single - Dating Tips and Tricks

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