Monthly Archives: October 2009

How important is pursuit?

I’ve been operating under the notion that if a man is interested, he will call. Apparently, this is not true. Apparently, men are just as scared, too. I’ve been told this by several men, one being my former dating coach. Apparently if you want something to happen, you have to make it happen, because waiting to be pursued just creates a lot of downtime and nailbiting. If gently laying hints that you’re interested doesn’t work, try something new. To quote the presenter in the B2B marketing seminar I’m sitting in, if you always do what you’ve always done, you’ll always get what you’ve always got. WORD.

When to facebook?

Be careful how you wield this powerful weapon.

Be careful how you wield this powerful weapon.

First of all, Facebook as a verb makes me either want to giggle or vomit, depending on the day. (I’m assuming if it’s used as a verb it’s not capitalized.) But it’s here to stay, no matter what all the naysayers are saying. (I just went to a conference on social media with lots of smart people who talked about Facebook as a shopping cart as opposed to the product. I don’t exactly know what that means, but the gist was, Facebook is positioning itself as something you need to have to get all your stuff rather than a passing trend that we buy, return or throw in the back of the closet for the silverfish to get at.)

Anyway, Facebook and dating. I don’t use Facebook FOR dating. It’s just a little too…personal for such a public forum. Heck, I don’t even list my relationship status. But facebook does play into the dating game in the sense of when to facebook someone you met and are starting to date. There are no hard-and-fast rules. It’s more of a gut feeling of how quickly you to incorporate someone in your life who you haven’t even introduced to your friends yet. And lord knows that could be months. Sure it’s fun to have the open forum to dissect this potential bfriend’s life, but, then he’s your friend for life — until you defriend him. And that’s always uncomfortable.

Here are some general rules to follow with Facebook:

1. If you meet someone online, go out at least once, preferably twice, before becoming Facebook friends. However, you may flagrantly facebook (re: stalk) as much as privacy settings let you.

2. Generally wait for him to facebook you. (The whole pursuit thing. Let him lead it.)

3. Perhaps bring up becoming Facebook friends prior to any facebooking to ensure it’s okay and there’s no pressure from either party.

4. Don’t write personal things on his/her wall. Keep it light. (No invitations to come over for a glass of wine. This is marking behavior and not appropriate.)

Is your hair gay?

One of these whorls is gay.

One of these whorls is gay.

I didn’t even know I had a whorl. But it’s kind of a big thing when it comes to sexual orientation. Apparently, a counter-clockwise whorl is more common in gay men. (So is being left handed.) My former hair stylist Coco, who wore leather from head to toe all day long, told me people who live below the equator have hair that grows counter clockwise. She did not use the word whorl, though she did point to the crown of my head. She said the opposing whorl growth happens for the same reason water flushes down Brazilian toilets in the opposite direction of those in Portland. It’s a hemisphere thing.

Does that mean that gay people in the lower hemisphere have hair that grows clockwise?

And what the hell is up with bisexual’s hair? I guess jacked up hair is just what they get for not picking a side and sticking to it.

Just kidding.

Really.

iDon’t Understand

Bring this out if you're trying not to get laid.

Bring this out if you're trying not to get laid.

I couldn’t care less about iPhones and their accompanying free apps. I care less about the iPhone than I do about Aaron Carter. (Who? You ask. Exactly.) I start to care about the iPhone, though, when it becomes the third wheel on a date. Or when I become the third wheel because of it. You would not bring your iMac to surf the Internet on a date. You would not chat on the phone with your bros on a date. So leave the iPhone at home. Please. Nobody cares that you have an app that can map directions. Instead, ask for directions like a real human being. Nobody cares that you can figure out exactly what song is playing. Let’s bask in the glow of not knowing.

Otherwise, you might as well download the “thrust your date under a prickly cold shower” app.

Or perhaps date on your iPhone with other humanoids not interested in real human contact.

[thump]

That was me jumping off my soapbox.

Spoon, Spoon

Spooning: The Gateway Hug

Spooning: The Gateway Hug

I love talking about spooning. Almost as much as I love the act of spooning. I prefer to be the big spoon. The spooner. (I have to pee a lot.) I knew a guy who created the Spooneeze. It was a hollow pillow that the spooner could slip his/her arm through to protect it from getting crushed. The spoonee would naturally rest his/her head on the pillow.  Great idea. Terrible in execution. (Imagine a large aluminum toilet paper roll that’s almost out of paper.)

Cooler nights + spooning = serious oxytocin high. No one to spoon? No problem.

Listen to these guys while you’re at it.