I’ve been known to read a self-help book or 10 in my day. But none of the advice dispensed in these books could ever compete with email dating therapy. It is, in a word, money. You buy a one-time-advice package for $12.95 online, then you email your question/problem. Less than 12 hours later, you get a personal, thought-out response from Nancy Slotnick, who is a dating coach and wrote a book about dating. (The book is good. It was one of my faves.) I used her a couple times when I was writing my own book (that I will shamelessly promote until I can afford an apartment with another room), and it was some of the best money I ever spent.
I enjoyed this email therapy because it gave my mom, dad, sister and friends a break from me whining about my constant and, let’s face it, trivial dating mishaps. And it’s immediate. (That Nancy is fast on the uptake!) And it’s nice to enlist a stranger to do the pull-yourself-together-woman cheek slap. Because often, all we need is a good smack across the face to snap us out of the lies and fairy tales we talk ourselves into, when really, he’s just not that into you. (Don’t bother with the movie. I give the book a C+/B- as long as it’s read with 5 grains of potent sea salt.)
And now, a few bonus tips from me. Potential and probable indicators that he’s just not that into you:
1. Calls you “dude” or “man.”
2. Doesn’t call at all.
3. Tells you he’s not looking for a relationship.
4. Does not spend the night after making out because he has to go home to feed his cat.
5. When you visit him, he spends the first 10 minutes clipping his toenails and not hugging you. (For long-D relationships.)
6. When you plan a trip together, he books bunk beds at a hostel and refuses to sleep in your bunk with you. He says it’s because he doesn’t want to make anyone else in the room full of sweaty feet and stinky socks feel uncomfortable, and you wake up alone at 7 a.m. to the obnoxious crackling of a shrink-wrap-happy couple. Not okay.