No not me. I’m not on one. Though my friend K was in town this past weekend and he was. Literally. As I sat at home Friday evening working (okay, I was updating my online dating profile), K went on a date. Just a little sumthin sumthin before we went to the club. Real quick like. He was in and out in two hours. Needless to say, there was no club later on because all K wanted to do when he got back was smoke a cig and drink wine. Fine by me. I hate the club.

So yeah, I can’t go on there. It’s just for gays. They don’t want me. But watching my friend just go out and do what he needed to do and have no regrets made me realize I really do need to loosen up and learn to have a little more fun with dating. Things are so simple with men. As K said on Thursday night with a cute little shrug of the shoulders and impish smile while we sucked down red wine and smoked menthols (NOT a good combo) and talked about boys: “I just like cock.” See how simple that is? He likes something. He finds it. No matter what zip code he’s in.

I want to be simple, too. But in my own “I just like men” way, because let’s face it, sex for the sake of sex—not how I roll. But I could stand to have some damn fun, without all this let’s-be-together crap I keep peddling.

So I put my profile back up on my online dating place. I know what you’re thinking: “But your nails…your hair.” Well, by some stroke of magic, I woke up on Sunday morning, looked at my nails, and they had literally grown back in. For serious. And the hair — let’s just say if I tilt my head to the side, a few whispies hit my shoulder. Close enough. (Right?)

So yeah, profile back up. Pickins aren’t as slim as they were a month ago. I’m even emailing someone surfing incognito. The only footage I have to work with is that of a angry nun wind up doll. And he’s way way way too young. It won’t work out. But he does send funny emails. I asked him for a real picture. Maybe he’ll be totally hot, like I don’t know, Adrian Brody. Maybe it will actually BE Adrian Brody. Or that guy Brian Greenberg who’s kind of cheesy but really cute. Doesn’t matter, I’m just here to have fun. Fun dating. I’m loosening up. As we speak.

(Writing this has made me realize there’s no way I’m going out with Angry Nun. Not even to be able to come back here and say “Holy shit, I totally just went out with Angry Nun.”)

Someone more age appropriate winked at me, too. I emailed him because he’s super cute. And tall. And he’s from Iowa. Midwestern stock. Can’t really go wrong with that. Nothing yet. I’ll wait it out another day.

And then I’ll probably bite off my nails and take my profile down again.


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