Monthly Archives: March 2008

flirting in traffic


I signed up with a year ago. It was strictly for book research. And I figured since I was always commuting, might as well try it, right? I mean, there have been times when I’ve been slogging down 66 and see a cute guy not picking his nose and wish I had a sign with my phone number on it. I even contemplated making said sign. But come one. I’m not that desperate.

So yeah you sign up with FiT and put up a picture of you and your car and they give you a bumper sticker number that you can actually purchase and put on your car (I never did that). There’s no real flirting in traffic though. It’s just an online dating sight for motorheads who live in Florida and Indiana. (Not that there’s anything wrong with those states. I like Disney and John Cougar. (Always thought it was a shame he changed his name back. Cougar is so ferocious.))

Lots of mullets and muscle cars, which I might have dug back in 1987. Okay no. Alas. I still have a pic up on the site and get an email every now and again from men taking a break from nose picking and Howard Stern on XM to flirt. The latest is from megadude. Owns a silver GMC (and a Hog), Pisces, has the hottest mustache I ever seen and wears shirts like this and this. Hot right? I love it:

Too bad hyundais don’t come with a 10 year accident warranty.* LOL… From the heart sorry you’ car got hit. I’d be up set a bit if it was mine.

I hbought a death cab for cuttie** cd and was rather dissapointed. The local rado station was pushing thier music and I bought a death cab CB. Mybe I got the wrong the wrong one. Was just some guy playing a piano and rather mellow.

Does Death Cab have any blood rushing music ? Or are they are that mellow ? Don’t get me wrong,, death cab is good but just to easy listening. Would be nice to listen with the right person durring a candle lit dinner and some dim lighting.

I’m attracted to you…….

*picture of my car after it was attacked by an angry dumpster

**I mentioned on my profile that I like Death Cab for Cutie. Thought it was thematically appropriate.

No word from the Top 5. Except for Canada who’s pushing for the Frisbee date and agreed to guitar lessons in exchange for cupcakes. So cute. Seriously, it’s cute right?

A ha! JUST got an email from him. He’s talking Frisbee in the next 48 hours. Do I go? Or am I busy? I actually am busy. But a little Frisbee and park bench chatter could be so fun. I could go for just an hour…

Banner Day


Guess what I did today? I went to lunch with a guy I went on a date with once. As friends. I know. I know. Who the fuck cares? Me. I care. Even though we only went out once (I wasn’t interested because I decided I liked Phil), it’s still hard to bridge that gap. And normally, I just don’t wanna bridge the gap because I don’t need any more friends. But this guy is really sweet and we have lots in common because he’s working on a book, too. And he has lots of freelancing contacts.

[Can we just pause and talk about how cute my cat is for a second? He’s all sleeping next to my legs with his paws stretched out in front of him and they’re twitching because he’s having cat dreams that hopefully involve lots of mice and wet cat food that I ran out of.]

Anyhoo. Yay me. Yay new friends.

I emailed Angry Nun and asked him for a pic. AGAIN. And you know what he did? He asked me for my damn email address so he could send it there. But I figured out how to circumvent the problem of giving out my personal email with name. I just change my account so my last name doesn’t come up. It’s blowing my mind how smart I am. I figure by date 3 or 4 (if anyone makes it that far) they can know my last name and google the shit out of me.

I think I might be having coffee with Cali Boy tomorrow.

And for the debby downer bizness: I got sad about Phil again today. It’s weird. I still think about him—it (it being our very short-lived relationship…can I even call it that?)—that was only just a little longer than the time that we’ve not been dating. I know. Get over it.) I wasn’t thinking about it in a sentimental way. He just pops into my head from time to time, a wave of sadness comes over me, and then it washes away. I have a really hard time letting go (you think??). It’s sad when things are over, even if they should be over. And I have a lot of feelings.

Okay, so I just got an email from Canada, who has the coolest name—I wish I could tell you. He sent me to his myspace page and he’s this amazing musician. He’s all cute and bluegrassy and reggae-y. This, of course, means that I will develop an unnatural attachment to him early on and he’ll break my heart because he’s a visiting scholar at a museum here. Then back to Toronto he’ll go. Poof. I haven’t had much luck with bluegrassy musicians from Canada. In fact I’ve had terrible luck with this sort. But he’s just so damn cute and beardy and somehow wears a meshy trucker hat without looking like a douchie Ashton K wannabe.AND……i just got an email from Angry Nun. I literally yelled “Oh my god” when I saw the pic.

H.O.T. (Read: tall, skinny, nice eyes. Sort of a James Van Der Beek when he got older and lost the Dawson hair.)

(Thank you Edie. Thank you Clare. Thank you both for your support and advice. And thank you Warden at the DC Jail for Hot Men.)

Okay, I have to go get drunk and kick up my heels or something.

Make that FIVE

Five men. All emailing me. I think I might have, uh, forgotten about some random winks and emails I threw out there. I was trying to be all loose and fun. Now I’m just overwhelmed. But secretly pleased. (I guess it’s not a secret anymore.) Might have to start prioritizing:

1. Midwestern Stock – We like him. He’s good people.

2. Canada – He says “eh.” I heart Canadians. I can’t not date him. Unless he doesn’t want to date me.

3. New Guy aka Monster (inside joke, you wouldn’t understand) – Most funny. At least over email.

4. Cali Boy – There’s something about him that makes me think all he’s looking for is play. I could be wrong. Will require further research and development.

5. Angry Nun – No pic. Seriously young. Lives not in DC. I think we have our sacrificial lamb. Unless he sends a picture.

This list didn’t really help.

My Cup Runneth Over

One man, two man, three man, four. Yep, I’ve entered into the world of menzzz. PLURAL. I emailed Angry Nun back (Edie told me to), got a third email from Cali Boy who actually already invited me out to meet him for some wine this eve (unfortunately I had to blog), and this dude I winked at weeks ago finally emailed me back. I’d written him off actually, and thought maybe it’s better anyway because I realized he looks like a blond Phil…kind of is a blond Phil with the whole PhD, musician, good hair thing going on. Except he’s Canadian. And he used “eh” in his email.
How cute is that?
And then there’s Midwestern Stock, who’s turning out to be totally totally cool. He’s traveling to Chile (which I’m sure he pronounces chee-lay) for work. And stopping over in Buenos Aires for the weekend. Here’s the thing though…he put out the personal email addy. Which is death, because then he gets my whole name and starts the googling and the first thing that pops up is this article I wrote on dating two years ago, which will lead to a conversation about “do I still write about dating?” which leads to talking about the dating book, which leads to him googling it more and then potentially finding this here blog where I talk about being boy crazy and call him Midwestern Stock.
Fuck. What do I do?
I might as well not even bother. Or maybe change the blog address. Or maybe make a blanket from my cat’s fur and hide under that until this book is done. Or the rest of my life.
In happier news, me likey my new hair. It’s still really dark (as if it would fade in 2 days) and I still look terrible when I wake up in the morning (though maybe I always did). But I’m digging it. I feel more grown up for some reason. This may be because I feel like I have to put on make up and dress a little nicer to pull off the new look. Whateves. I feel my mojo making a comeback.
Gonna sleep on this Midwestern Stock issue. And Edie (and anyone else) if you have some suggestions… (and I know you do.)

boy kah-RAY-ZAAAAY


Sippin’, reminiscing on days when I had a Mustang…and now I’m in…first class

Oh sorry. Just got back from a run and haven’t taken off my iPod yet because I was so dang excited.

Okay. Did someone call the warden at the Washington DC Hot Man Jail and tell him to throw open the gates? Because sweet baby jesus, they everywhere! I ran out into the park a mere 1.5 miles and saw at least 8.3 viable men walking, biking, running. Wentworth Miller did not make a showing (he’s gay anyway) but there was Long Dreaded Man with the Cocoa Skin. He smiled at me. All sly like. At least I think he was smiling at me. He had on sunglasses but was definitely looking in my direction. I’ll pretend.

I actually managed to catch a few eyes and smiles. Which never happens. I wonder if it’s my Lindsey Lo goth hair. Or maybe it’s just the weather. I mean, birds are trilling and I even ran into a couple swarms of mating gnats. And if the gnats are mating, that can only mean hot men want to date. (And mate.)

I wish I didn’t smoke all those menthols last weekend. I might have been able to catch up to Long Dreaded Man with the Cocoa Skin. Sigh.

And that my friends is a good reason not to smoke. (I wonder if I should be revising my must-have list for men. It says no smokers, but maybe I just meant no pack-a-day-type smokers who smell like chimneys. Social is acceptable. Controlled smoking?)

I finally emailed Midwestern Stock. Nothing back yet. His responses seem to be few and far between. I mean, does he actually work or something? That could be a problem. (Kidding.) Angry Nun sent a message on top of his last one from yesterday that I didn’t bother with. He made an age joke and wanted to apologize. I didn’t really care about that. The joke was funny. Something about Rip Van Winkle and waxing walkers.

Thing is, I just don’t feel like getting all chummy until he sends a pic. I asked him once … do I really have to ask again? Cause then I’ll feel all shallow and he’ll think all I care about is looks. Which after reading this post, many might say is true. But then, of the men I’m down with, most of my friends are like, “uh, okay.” And then whisper to each other, “that’s just her.”

I dunno. He is pretty funny. But he’s also like 28. And let’s see…according to my math…that’s about…uh…six years younger. Yeah. Maybe seven depending on birthdays. I’m not trying to be ageist, but I dunno. I seem to run into the same old thing dating young guys: it don’t work. And they’re so into texting. It’s okay for a while, but god damn…pick up the phone. Though I’ve had this problemo with guys my age, too. And of course, I do the same thing. It’s a non-committal crutch. Whenever I’m not really interested, I stay in email and text land. (I’m so pot calling the kettle black. Smoking, texting. It’s terrible. Unless I do it.)

Of course if Angry Nun is ridiculously hot, there would be no question about whether I’d go out with him or not. None whatsoever.

Children of the Corn


Yay! We have a taker. Midwestern Stock emailed me back! He’s pretty darn cute, though totally not my type. Sort of blond and smiley. He also might lack notes of sarcasm—and any sort of edge whatsoever. You know how those Midwesterners are. Very straightforward. But my dad’s from the land of corn, too, and he aight. And I can sometimes not be sarcastic.

What’s good: He’s a “big fan of honesty,” which sounds awesomely cheesy out of context of the profile, but whateves. I’d totally forgotten that being more honest was my New Year’s resolution. Funny how I haven’t been so honest with myself since I made that resolution. Maybe ol’ Midwest can help me with that.

I will wait a few hours before emailing because I’m VERY busy.

Ruh-roh Raggy

So I need to quit it with my hair. It’s the third Tuesday in a row I’ve been to see my hair lady. (She’s not really a lady. She’s younger than me and says “totally” all the time and responds to everything I say as if it’s the craziest thing she’s ever heard. Even when I was just telling her about drinking too much wine on Friday night with K, she was like “No WAY! That’s so crazy.” I didn’t even tell her about the part. Love her though.)

Anyway, I had the hair cut, which I still kind of hate, even though I went back last week to have her shape it up a little more. And today was the dye job. Hair Lady has been wanting to cover my “brassy ends” for a year. So I finally let her. I used to be this. Now I’m this. And I have these red streaks in front. They’re really red. I’m gothy me and will have to wear make up everyday until the dark fades because my skin’s all ashy white.

I wish I’d never cut my hair. Or colored it. Dammit.

Doesn’t matter. I’m not dating. Angry Nun never sent me a picture. I mean, if you can’t fully disclose yourself, what the hell are you online for? Christ. And Midwestern Stock, who winked at me first — never heard from him after my email, which I think was totally clever and winning.

I even winked at this dude who has a damn bird (and I know this because one of his pictures was of him and the damn bird on his shoulder). Never heard back.

Normally I’d feel slighted and like “oh, what is so wrong with me?” Blah blah blah. I don’t care. Wanna know why? Because I just got my shoe shipment in. Three pairs. And two fit. They are sassy. Wanna see?



and uh.