Settling—The New Black

www.theatlantic.com/doc/200803/single-marry

I’ve been so wrong. So very wrong. I shouldn’t be so picky about men. I should just settle. I should have stayed with Simon even though he said things to me like “Those look like shoes a girl who plays the cello would wear,” and “You are the least politically informed person I know,” and compartmentalized our existence into thrice weekly phone calls if I was lucky. Whatever. He had sperm, would mostly be able to provide and told me I was pretty once. (Except it came out as “You’re better looking than me.” I guess a compliment couched in insecurity is better than nothing.)

But then if I did settle, I would never have met Phil, who actually calls, emails and IMs to check in maybe three times a day, tells me I’m pretty (just like that), and lives an existence outside of his ego.

So I take it back. No settling. I think the lesson from Lori Gottleib’s well-meaning but totally offbase article (she doesn’t even agree with herself) isn’t so much that women should settle so they can have that kid before their eggs dry up and more that a “fit of self-empowerment” probably isn’t a good foundation for having a child on your own and you should think twice before getting knocked up without a partner. Raising kids is tough. Shitty husbands and loveless marriages don’t help. Especially when it reduces you to making a desperate plea that ultimately aims at dragging everyone else down with you. That’s just selfish and irresponsible.

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4 responses to “Settling—The New Black

  1. The glimmer of lucidity that I took away from that mountain of crap is that people just need to be realistic about the choices they make, and realize that no matter what they decide, there will always be times when they’re unhappy. Given that the author is still holding up marriage as the be-all, end-all of existence, I don’t think she’s quite grasped that yet.

  2. The Single Scientist

    You’re so brilliant!

  3. The Single Scientist

    And another thing: we’ve evolved as beings with a capacity to love and this settling business reduces us to giving in to primitive behavior based on a biological need to procreate that has nothing to do with love.

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