I’ve been so wrong. So very wrong. I shouldn’t be so picky about men. I should just settle. I should have stayed with Simon even though he said things to me like “Those look like shoes a girl who plays the cello would wear,” and “You are the least politically informed person I know,” and compartmentalized our existence into thrice weekly phone calls if I was lucky. Whatever. He had sperm, would mostly be able to provide and told me I was pretty once. (Except it came out as “You’re better looking than me.” I guess a compliment couched in insecurity is better than nothing.)
But then if I did settle, I would never have met Phil, who actually calls, emails and IMs to check in maybe three times a day, tells me I’m pretty (just like that), and lives an existence outside of his ego.
So I take it back. No settling. I think the lesson from Lori Gottleib’s well-meaning but totally offbase article (she doesn’t even agree with herself) isn’t so much that women should settle so they can have that kid before their eggs dry up and more that a “fit of self-empowerment” probably isn’t a good foundation for having a child on your own and you should think twice before getting knocked up without a partner. Raising kids is tough. Shitty husbands and loveless marriages don’t help. Especially when it reduces you to making a desperate plea that ultimately aims at dragging everyone else down with you. That’s just selfish and irresponsible.