Before Lloyd Dobbler…

…there was Randy (hunky, pre-freakshow Nick Cage) from “Valley Girl.” The ultimate 80s punk hipster who traded up his leather for popped collars to be in the Valley with Julie. Totally. Same premise as Lloyd and Diane, but so much more than that. Lloyd and Diane may have been beautiful tortured souls, but Randy and Julie were bleeding from every pore. (Actually, maybe just Randy. Deborah Foreman’s ability to give Julie any real feeling was severely brutalized by lines like “It’s like we’re linked or something.” I suppose that’s the beauty of it all.)

But Randy. He just says what he feels, and burns holes through your heart with his bedroom eyes while he’s at it. You have to fast forward most of the way through the clip to 3:25. But it’s just so good. I think I’ve felt like this before, but my brain might have cropped out the reality and fabricated a much better memory.

The catalyst here is Phenylethylamine—the It chemical when it comes to attraction. And exactly what I’ve been told to run from when it comes to dating (according to a couple dating coaches I talked to). When it runs in mass quantities through your veins, it clogs your perception—you’ll never be truly yourself around the person who’s causing this reaction. You’ll be who you think he wants you to be. And you’ll do this because you’re a Phenylethylamine junkie.

I mean, what if he goes away because he found out you’re just not that easy going, and no, it’s not okay that he grabbed your boob in public? It’s literally high maintenance. Your heart is on crack. The love chemical is the very thing that impedes true romance. Now that is fucked up.

But to wittingly avoid the rush? To just say no? I can’t even continue with that thought right now.

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