Remember how I said I would never date online again? I lied.
Sort of.
I technically haven’t been on a date with someone I’ve met online lately. But I’ve been checking out plentyoffish.com. It’s not looking so good.
I’ve received some emails. They’re mildly disturbing. These PoF guys are lah-hay-zeee. For instance, you can send a “quick email” where the subject line is filled in for you. That subject line is “hi.” And these dudes will send an “email” and all it will be is “hi” in the subject line. They’ve done nothing except surf and click! I already feel ignored. Sometimes, they will put “how r u?” in the body text. That’s all. There is nothing to work with there. Nothing. Nada. Zero. They need one of these.
One guy actually had a great email–he responded to the essential things in my profile such as my love for Sam Cooke. But then I looked at his profile and it was entirely about the crazy dates he’s been on, and in essence, bashing the women he’s been out with. Now, it’s mildly hypocritical that I judge him on this because I did, indeed, do this very thing in my book (The Science of Single, out January 2011), but dude, not in an online profile. Come on bro!
The other kind of emails I’ve received are profile regurgitations, which is fine I suppose, but terribly unimaginative. And there’s nothing to respond to. When I send an email to someone I’m interested in (as I did this evening–wish me luck!), I comment on his profile, try to relate it back to something I do or think, and ask a question.Very important to ask a question. Because otherwise, the other person doesn’t have anything to respond to.
Soooooo, yeah. We shall see.
In other, blond-hair news, I’ve noticed a trend of older African American men on bikes riding up behind me and striking up conversation. It’s a very specific demographic and it has happened frequently in exactly the same way. It also just started to happen right after I had my locks lightened. Soooo, there it is. Is being blond more fun? Well. “Fun” might be a stretch. But I kind of like strangers talking to me. Makes me feel approachable. And these guys have been really nice. We usually talk about the weather. I like that. I’m into the weather.
I’m also into granola right now. This recipe is amazing. I added a little chili pepper to the batch tonight. Maybe I should throw some chili pepper on my lazy fishies.
Categories: Being Single · Dating
Tagged: sam cooke, online dating, the science of single, plenty of fish, dating profile, granola, blonds have more fun, lazy fish
Two things happened the other day that reminded me that good real love is worth holding out for :
1. My very first love ever contacted me. (Thank you Linked In.) We were 17, in high school and I’m not sure what we had in common besides going to the same high school, being in the same grade and sharing a locker (which is like living together back then). He used to let me shave his flat top and one time he shaved the hair right above my neck into a buzz. And what more do you need? We just like each other a lot. Loved each other. And he was a good hugger and a great kisser. We haven’t been in touch over the years. But he found me and we got to exchange emails and tell each other about our lives. I wanted to apologize for being such a PAIN IN THE ASS girlfriend. But I didn’t because he said he had such great memories and I didn’t want to ruin that. I haven’t been in love in a long while, so it’s nice to be reminded that I was once. And it was really, really great.
2. Washington Post launched their I Do – Washington Weddings section. I’m mildly obsessed with it. I don’t normally like reading engagement announcements, but there’s something about having the couple tell you themselves, and not reading some stuffy, regurgitated story. And right now, I really want to know how couples meet – I need some advice on this since I’m again, off the online dating sauce (Cupidtino just isn’t working out for me, though they have updated the search function so you can browse around in your town. Very handy). The kayak couple is so cute and I love that they met in the dressing room of a kayak shop. I love that their love of kayaking brought them love. Which makes me think about my activities–currently writing, acupuncture, sitting by the pool and going to the gym sometimes–and wonder how I might meet the one I might love doing one or all. (Though it is community acupuncture, sooooo).
The blond-hair thing: Well, I have noticed a little more attention. But I’m also looking for it now. And it’s mostly from older (and I mean older) men. Which is not bad. But I’m looking for men who are younger than 47 at this point. (I try to date within 10 years of my age. Nothing too scientific there and a rule always meant to be broken for the right person.)
Categories: Being Single · Dating · Love
Tagged: acupuncture, cupidtino, first love, I Do, kayaking, linked in, Love, pool, real love, washington post, weddings, writing
Shoot. This has happened to be as a brunette, too. Cute Irish lad. Liked to rest his head on my bosom. It didn't last.
That’s right. I’m blond now. Not flaxen Claudia Schiffer blonde. Nonetheless. Blond. Maybe more like Jen Aniston. At the salon, I said “brighter,” and then said “run with it.” And that Anna did.
So three hours later…blond.
She assured me men would be knocking over each other to talk to me on the street. Actually, she said I would just be noticed more. She knows. She went blond, too.
Do blonds have more fun? Mmmm no conclusive evidence on the fun factor per se. BUT blond hair is associated with youth, which means men are into it. From one of my favorite articles on attraction:
Typically, young girls with light blond hair become women with brown hair. Thus, men who prefer to mate with blond women are unconsciously attempting to mate with younger (and hence, on average, healthier and more fecund) women.
I didn’t lighten up to get more (or any) attention. I simply needed a diversion from cutting bangs because it has taken forever to grow mine out. But hey, if dudes start chasing me down the street or better yet, if Gym Crush smiles at me, SCORE. I’ll let you know.
Categories: Dating
Tagged: blond, claudia schiffer, jennifer anniston, trim salon
I swore off online dating for eternity about two months ago.
But…
I have to try Cupidtino. It’s in the ss job description.
I just signed up, but I haven’t filled anything out yet. I’m still reeling over seeing my new mid-to-late-30-something age pop up on the screen. Strange. (I will stop talking about the age thing soon. Promise.)
The site is extremely crisp and simple — Scandinavian-esque navigation, like maybe Ikea designed it. I’m not sure how I feel about the “Mac her” option which is like poking on Facebook. Also, the option to meet at the nearest Mac store is a little too cute. But then, I would totally do that. Onto the part of the profile called “I’m became a Mac when.” I guess that’s when you tell your Mac story. Mine’s pretty boring. My job made me do it. And then I saved up for years and years and bought my own. The End.
You can’t search by city yet (it’s still in Beta), so I’m currently weeding through 34 to 45 year old men all over the darn country. Haven’t been interested in clicking a single profile yet. (Yes, I’m only looking at pictures. You caught me being superficial.)
Wait. Hold the phone. I just clicked on the guy whose photo is of what seems to be a glow in the dark Mac and crossbones tattoo on a rather hairy, moley and spongey bicep. Mario Lopez look alike. Handsome man — IN TOKYO. The bald guy in Austin has my attention. Except I don’t live in Texas.
In other news, I finally smiled at Gym Crush. He grimaced back. He was on a treadmill so I will chalk it up to that. He will smile back at me.
Categories: Being Single · Dating
Tagged: facebook, gym crush, apple, cupidtino, mac, mac her, poking
Dear ss,
I went on a date with this guy and we had sex. I like him, but is it even possible to consider having a relationship with him now that we’ve already had sex?
Love, M.E.
Dear M.E.,
Yes. Maybe. No. In my experience, not really. In a friend’s experience, yes (15 years and 2 kids later). My mom always said only have sex with someone you’re in love with. She forgot the rest of the sentence, which is if you want it to be special. My M.O. is this (usually): if I like a guy, I will probably wait to have sex with him. If I know it’s going nowhere, well, whoop it up ya’ll.
Some guys will say it doesn’t matter if a girl sleeps with him on the first date. Meaning the relationship could still go either way. (Important: The sex does not make you more special to him so don’t use it as a vice!) Some guys will say otherwise. Like, if you’re sleeping with them on the first date, who else are you sleeping with on the first date? You whore. (Of course, if he’s sleeping with you on the first date, what does that say about him? I digress.)
The best advice I’ve heard on this is to act out the relationship you want from the start. So if you’re looking for a serious exclusive relationship, do as my friend K. did and wait until he commits to an exclusive relationship before you have sex with him. It worked out for her. It can work out for you, M.E. This is not about withholding the carrot. It’s about self preservation and waiting for something real and special. And there’s nothing old fashioned or weird about that.
For a realistic account of awkward early sex before you’ve determined whether there’s a relationship please read the first part of this short story by Jeffrey Eugenides. I chuckled to myself because really, is he following me around on my dates?
Categories: Being Single · Dating · Sex
Tagged: meaningless sex, samantha jones, Jeffrey Eugenides, casual sex, sex without a relationship, waiting to have sex, awkward sex
