Monthly Archives: February 2010

Charming a Lady, Part II

flower bouquets for sale

Outside the Columbia Heights' Metro. The guy asked why I was taking pictures of his flowers and not buying them. Then he asked me to watch his stand while he got lunch. It was weird. But funny. My point: Flowers are cheap.

Tip #2 from the previous post’s article:

Bring her one rose or a bouquet of tulips.

Back to flowers.
I actually would steer clear of roses in general unless she really likes them. Cliche. BIG fan of peonies. Daisies. Tulips.
Question to the people: Do guys ever want girls to bring them flowers? Would the gesture be lost on them or just kind of weird? I’m thinking so. Discuss.

Charming a Lady, Part I

Almost as good as a dedicating a song on the radio. Now THAT is love.

A recent email from eHarmony featured a quick story called Men – 5 Simple Ways to Charm Your Date.

Do tell!

The first tip was to surprise your date with a CD of her favorite music. Love this idea. And I’m lucky to have received music from guys I’ve dated—a CD left on my windshield in the middle of a rainy night (awwww) and free MP3 downloads. (Men really love to bring over their hard drive and offer up all their music in this sort of crazy cockfight with John Cusack circa High Fidelity when he detailed the labor of love that it is to make a mix tape. If only he’d had digital then.) But I have to say, these song offerings have always been less about me and my tastes and more about him and his tastes.

Not that I’m complaining. I’ve been introduced to amazing bands I love dearly, and I think those guys truly had the best of intentions and were just trying to impress. And that’s endearing. But I’m into this idea of a CD of my music. It shows he’s listening, taking a few mental notes, understanding.

So yes, a CD of your lady’s music. Love it. And sure, throw some of your songs in there, too. I think it provides for a nice mix. Two songs to avoid:

1. Robin Thicke’s Sex Therapy (Remix) Feat. Ludacris

Sample lyric: “When it’s the right time, what it taste like, Gimme a taste test and Ima get you. Got the banana, now let me split you. Ha!”

2. Trey Songz’s: Reinvented Sex Feat. Usher and Keri Hilson

Sample lyric: “… got that oven pre-heated. Trey invented sex, but he ain’t teach you how to eat it. On ya back now, spread it out now. Which one of ya’ll? Which two of ya’ll? Which two of ya’ll goin home with Usherrrr?”

I heard them both today and laughed out loud the entire time. I blushed a little, too. What is up with these lyrics? Why is nothing left to the imagination? Is Usher trying to outdo Ludacris? Is there a R&B/rap battle going on I don’t know about? Is this what the kids are listening to now?

I obviously prefer Ludacris’ tongue-in-cheek (and apparently everywhere else) rhymes to Usher’s indulgent whines. But nothing beats Ludacris’ rap in Usher’s “Yeah”:

“Lets drank, you the one to please, Ludacris fill cups like double d’s. Me and Ush once more and we leave em dead, we want a lady in the street but a freak in the bed to say…”

Yeah.

Thank you, Christina Hendricks. Thank you.

I think this picture speaks for itself.

A dating coach told me once that women have a hard time dating when they are unhappy with their weight. Likewise, men hold off when they don’t feel financially secure. These are generalizations, but I have definitely had my moments when I stopped dating because I didn’t feel good about myself, and that lack of confidence is usually directly tied into the number on the scale or the way my clothes fit now that I don’t have to stuff my yellow-and-white polka-dot bikini with Puffs tissue like I did when I was a gangly preteen. (And yes, that’s a true story. I was tired of being laughed at for being flat chested.)

Anyway, apparently curves are back thanks in part to my new girl crush Christina Hendricks aka Joan on Mad Men. (You really should be watching this show, if for nothing else the clothes and Jon Hamm. Mildly obsessed here.)

Help! I need a subtitle!

Not my book, but I like this subtitle.

Okay, so cover design for the book starts like NOW and the subtitle we came up with four years ago (before the book was written) just doesn’t work anymore.

Here’s where it stands:

“The Science of Single: One Woman Experiments With Modern Dating in Pursuit of Real Chemistry and Real Answers.”

I feel like it needs more zing.

Anyone have any ideas? I know all of you haven’t read the book, but I’m all ears for even silly inspiration.

“It’s what I feel. It’s what I want.”

(If you can’t see the video, click here to go to youtube.)

Valley Girl, the movie.

Randy+ Julie=sparky chemistry

You kinda have to fast forward to 3:27 for Randy’s confessional and The Plimsouls song. I highly recommend the entire movie, too. Nicolas Cage’s best work. By far. (Don’t let his National Treasure crap throw you off. He’s a hunk.)

Wouldn’t it be awesome if we all could be this raw and outward in our feelings? It would take the mystery of wondering, “Does he like me?” “Does she care?” But replacing it with this type of certainty and confidence…oh man. Swooooooooooooooooooon.

Is age really just a number?

Winking Cougar

A winking cougar. Hot.

Yogis (and my chiropractor) say we are only as old as our spine. And lots of people say you are as young as you feel. Sadly, my back is a bit out of alignment, and I’m feeling the sting of mid to late 30s because I looked in the mirror yesterday and saw this wrinkle. It glowered at me. I mean, it had literally dug out a crevasse  to the left of my upper lip overnight. I knew this was coming because I used to really want dimples and I’d smile really wide so there would be as much of an indentation in my cheeks as possible. When you’re 10 years old, who thinks about the consequences of smiling too much?

I’ve also been feeling old because it seems on match.com, my DOB has placed me out of the running in several age groups. On the whole, it seems men generally not only want to date younger, but a LOT younger. Like there was one 37 year old who chose 22 to 35 as his age group. Really? 22?

I asked a male friend about this. I figured he’d know because he had set his online dating criterion at the same overall age group. He said it was because women his age and older were so weird about relationships and he felt a lot of pressure to decide if this was it with them versus dating a women in her 20s who he could just have fun with.

The thing is, I talk to women in their 20s about dating all the time, and I think they are more concerned about marriage and relationships than I am.

And what about when you just connect with someone and all differences including age dissipate in the energy created with chemistry?

For instance: My friend was hanging out with a guy who was 10 years younger. She kept calling herself a Cougar, but she’s not, because I think you have to be at least 40 years old for that title. So anyway, my 37-yo friend was hanging out with a 26-yo dude. Okay, they were having sex. Nothing more, she insisted. It was not a relationship. But then she started to want more than the twice weekly hangs. And he couldn’t give more. So they broke it off. The End. Except they still have sex sometimes. And she feels totally connected to him and says that she has never felt more herself or more accepted for who she is with anyone else.

That’s a pretty strong statement.

Initially, I did not approve of this liaison because my friend and I are alike in what we want out of life and relationships, and I know that I would end up wanting something more meaningful. But when she told me the part about feeling so connected to him, I was like, well, why can’t it work?

Apparently, he just can’t give more. I’m not sure that this is strictly an age thing because I’ve dated people exactly my age with whom I’ve had the exact same relationship and ended with the exact same results.

Seems like a timing issue.

Of course, age and timing are so wrapped up in each other’s business, you’d be hard pressed to see where one starts and the other ends. They are like an Escher print. No matter how old or young someone is, you can’t form a relationship with him or her unless both of you are ready, whether it’s emotionally, financially, physically. (Beware the hunched shoulders and protected heart. I’m convinced a certain posture can be an indicator of an less-than-open heart (both physically and emotionally)—if you believe that sort of thing, which I do.)

Where am I going with this? I have no idea. Partially musing. Partially complaining. Timing is such a … bitch, right? I mean for all those necessary things to come together (brain chemicals, life circumstance, intellectual interest, a shared love of French fries) for two people to connect and fall in love. It boggles the mind. I’m mystified.

In other news, it’s time to start germinating seeds for my container garden. I went to a workshop on this very thing yesterday and I have some serious deconstruction of my kitchen to do to make room for the grow lights and hot pads. I’m doing this for reals. It’s going to be AWESOME.

Pour mes petits choux …

… and here’s where you can.

Happy Valentine’s Day.

xo, ss

p.s. Matt Damon sings it best.