The Science of Single

Out for 2010: Gavels/In: Hearts

January 2. I’m just getting started on 2010 because I could barely move yesterday, which means it was a great New Year’s Eve. Coupla parties, coupla awesome bands, coupla scaled fences, coupla bruises. Am I too old for 50% of that equation? Well, in 2009 I was. However, in 2010, I’m putting the gavel away. No more judging myself. I’m easing up. That’s my resolution. To give myself a break from all of the self-imposed rules and criticism.

The Powers That Be immediately tested my resolve yesterday by picking on the one [physical] thing I am most self conscious about. I was at my friend’s house having a lovely brunch when his friend called out to me from across the kitchen while I was walking away, “Oooooo girl! You got a booty! I didn’t know you had a booty!” If I consider the source, I think this was kind of a compliment. Buuuttttt….. (no pun intended. Heeee.)

I laughed with more than a hint of mortification, expressed my inability to respond to that comment and continued to walk away.

I won’t go into the particulars of my gluteal hang up. Instead, I will just let it all go. My jeans do enough reminding that my booty exists in the proportions that it does. And some people like booties.

This is not the only area of my existence that I am harsh on myself about. There are many. So, to deal with the negative critiques, my job is to come up with a counter argument for them. And write it all down. Sounds like therapist homework. It is. But I’m into it.

I’ve noticed lately that people aren’t making resolutions anymore. The reason: They can never keep them. I don’t think that’s a good reason not to. I think that just means they are picking things that aren’t attainable. In 2004, my resolution was to ask out the hot bartender I’d been stalking eyeing for 6 mos. By January 15th, I marched right up to the bar at the busiest time of night, introduced myself, handed him my phone number and asked him if he wanted to go out sometime. Gutsiest thing I’ve ever done. We went out on a date. It was terrible. He talked about his ex the entire time and mentioned he’d probably marry her. WHA???? Obvi, it didn’t work out. Though in the strange world of DC smallness, over the years since, he has hotlisted me on at least one online dating site and I actually ran into him this NYE. I think it was the Powers That Be reminding me that I can complete new year’s resolutions. That, or it was a warning: Be careful what you wish for.

In other news of trying new things, I’m taking an acting class today, and I signed up for pole-dancing classes, too. (I’m never going to get up in time for the 7 am Chair Play class. Good lord.) I’m not so sure about the latter. I’m more of a ballet and jazz kinda girl. My friend roped me into it. Apparently, they provide heels in class so you can suriously channel your inner stripper. I just want tough biceps. And a softer spirit. These things take time. I’m into the process.