One line? Or two.

Ruh-roh.

 

Thankfully this has never happened to me. Because premarital sex is against the law. But for all you sluts out there, pregnancy tests are indeed the dark side of dating. We’ve all taken them, huddled over the sink, pee everywhere and underwear sagging around your ankles because you were just too freaked out to do anything but stare at the little reveal window and wait. (Yes, even me. I was only kidding about that whole abstinence thing.) I actually took one recently. There was pretty much no way I was knocked up. None at all. Okay, mostly impossible. Like, if I did have a bun in the oven, you would have seen me on the news already in the developing story of the first ever pregnancy from French kissing. But I just couldn’t figure out why I kept gaining weight. Surely it must be a lifeform evolving in utero. Mmmmm. No. The pregnancy tests (there were two in the box so I peed on both) came back negatory. As it turns out, my jeans don’t fit because I’ve been stuffing my face with donuts and egg nog lattes. (Mmmmm donuts.) 

That’s right. Laugh. Get it all out. It’s okay. 

But is my story as crazy as the one of my friend who is 7 mos into baby cooking with a Santa Belly and a Parton Rack to prove it who continues to take pregnancy tests just to be sure, even though, as she claims, a kickboxer is training against her bladder? 

It’s a toss up. And I bet there are even kookier EPT, First Response and Clear Blue stories out there. And I want to hear them! Please share! Anonymously if you like. If you don’t, I’ll be forced to share more of mine, and I’m not sure my ego can take the humiliation of just how redonkulous I can be. (And don’t even get me started on Plan B madness.)

4 responses to “One line? Or two.

  1. That pregnant lady sounds straight CRAZY!

  2. I did take multiple home pregnancy tests, but only before my first sonogram. I did it because I did not feel pregnant. All you hear from pregnant women is how nauseated and tired they feel, and I didn’t feel any of that. So I started to wonder if itwas all in my head. It wasn’t until I SAW the baby on the first sonogram that I believed I was pregnant and not truly crazy. I’d like to hear more stories, too!

  3. i am 6 weeks pregnant starting tommorow and i am currently nauseated, tired, and my lower back kills lol, i havn’t been to the docter yet, but i took 3 clearblue pregnancy tests yesterday and they all were positive, plus sign and all, this will be my first baby so im excited, my first docters appointment is next thursday and i get to hear the heartbeat for the first time! so wish me luck :)

    • The Single Scientist

      Congrats! Stop taking those dang tests and save up for some seriously cute kid clothes (have you heard of pillowcase dresses for the girls?) I hope it all goes well tomorrow.

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