The Science of Single

I couldn’t care less about iPhones and their accompanying free apps. I care less about the iPhone than I do about Aaron Carter. (Who? You ask. Exactly.) I start to care about the iPhone, though, when it becomes the third wheel on a date. Or when I become the third wheel because of it. You would not bring your iMac to surf the Internet on a date. You would not chat on the phone with your bros on a date. So leave the iPhone at home. Please. Nobody cares that you have an app that can map directions. Instead, ask for directions like a real human being. Nobody cares that you can figure out exactly what song is playing. Let’s bask in the glow of not knowing.

Otherwise, you might as well download the “thrust your date under a prickly cold shower” app.

Or perhaps date on your iPhone with other humanoids not interested in real human contact.

[thump]

That was me jumping off my soapbox.