I moved y’all!

Check out my hunky movers. They hauled me over to http://www.rachelmachacek.com

RACHELMACHACEK.COM

Just like that. In the middle of the night. Come on over to my new online existence. Different address, same ‘hood, same fun.

Don’t worry, I migrated all the posts, advice and comments from here to the new site with the apt address of www.rachelmachacek.com. You can also email me at rachel@rachelmachacek.com. Don’t forget to re-subscribe though, because I couldn’t take that with me. Some sort of privacy law or something.

(Seeing my name so many times in a row might make you wonder how to pronounce it. Phonetically, it’s mah-HA-check. Like a sneeze.)

There’s fresh baked pie for my first visitors!

Making new [single] friends…

Women Victorian in Pond
Here’s my deal – I’m in my forties, kids, divorced. All my friends were married friends and I don’t have a built-in support system. My married friends don’t want to hear about dating except if they bring it up and only want a two-sentence summary. Any ideas on how to build a circle of single friends?

L in DC

Dear L,
I’m so sorry about your recent break up. That’s the pits. I’m also sorry your friends aren’t more invested in your dating life. That’s ridiculous. My married friends love talking about my dating life – living vicariously I suppose. I should introduce you to them. Seriously, I think you should tell your friends you need them to listen.
AND
Grow a new circle of friends. How I did it: I got a part time job where I made a very good friend. She introduced me to a couple of her friends and my new circle grew from that.
Another great place to meet awesome single women: single’s events. Seriously. I have met so many amazing women at these things. I wonder if there are some single mom groups, too. There have to be. That would be perfect because you could talk about kids AND dating. Here’s one: DC Urban Moms and Dads. It’s a start!
Good luck out there and don’t forget to hold on to the old friends who care about you. One is silver and the other gold.
xo Rachel

New Hobby: Bocce Ball

bocce

They are totally going to do it later.

Okay, so I’m going to be on this podcast, You, Me, Them, Everyone, that’s recorded live at a bar here in DC called The Looking Glass Lounge. (Had a date here once. New Year’s. Second date. It was fun if not mildly awkward at times.)

It sounds really cool.

I decide to listen to an episode just to see what it’s all about. I like to be prepared and a friend of mine commented that the host, Brandon Weatherbee, is a little angry. (This scared me. However, on my first listen, I’d say maybe he’s incensed, but not angry. And besides, how could someone with a cool name like Weatherbee ever be angry? My last name sounds like a sneeze and I’m not angry.)

Anyway, I’m listening to the podcast and the couple who formed the DC Bocce League (you heard me: Bocce league, which I coincidentally just learned about Tuesday, which makes me think it’s fate and I should be on this league) are on talking about Bocce, naturally, and the woman says that Bocce is great for dating. My ears perk up like my cat’s when he hears a can being opened. Apparently, the league has spawned four married couples and you can even buy Bocce onesies for your Bocce babies. Cute.

Anyway, best part is Brandon asks Bocce lady if she’s ever gotten laid (as a direct result of being a part of the Bocce league, I presume) and she was like “Who hasn’t?”

It’s much funnier when you listen to the podcast. I promise.

Anyway, if you’re looking for someone to take romantic pics with when the Cherry Blossoms are in bloom or maybe someone just to have spring sex with, play Bocce. I encourage it.

I also encourage coming to the show on Monday, 3/14, 8:30pm.

Mo’ Men

male to female ratio

I'm slightly uncomfortable with this picture, but it gets my point across about male-female ratio stuff.

Just got back last night from Los Mangeles, as my friend dubbed the town because, holy crap, dudes are everywhere. Everywhere. I usually don’t feel outnumbered as a woman, but I did this past weekend, despite my posse of five lovely ladies.

And then tonight, back in DC, I’m at a matchmaking event where, I swear to god, there were 8 women to every 1 man. A quick poll in the ladies’ room confirmed that most women had been matched up with 3 men while most men had been matched up with 8 women. The ladies in the ladies’ room were not happy about these odds.

On a happier note, I met a lot of women I liked tonight.

And I officially turned lesbian.

Just kidding. For now.

I’m less worried about ratio and odds than I am about the No Good Men Syndrome. I’ve seen a number of articles complaining about women being picky, unpractical, searching for a non-existent ideal, slutty, whatever, so despite the controversial and disconcerting nature of the aforementioned article’s subject matter, this a refreshing finger pointed in the other direction, because people, the problem of our dating culture can’t simply be blamed on one (women) or the other (men). It’s an uncomfortable shift on both sides we’re negotiating here and it doesn’t matter how it started.

Which is why I would never change geography for wall-to-wall men, no matter how hot the cashier was at that one hot dog place in downtown LA. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, there are trials and tribulations in every city for every gender as evidenced by a recent note I received from a supremely frustrated guy in Las Vegas who is looking for women with more substance, and I’m not talking rec drugs. (Girls, if you live in LV and are of substance, let me know. I’ve got the hook up.)

However, I might very well make a move West based solely on the year-round availability of bacon avocados (no bacon or bacon flavor involved here) that you eat like an apple but not before drenching the tender green flesh in Meyer lemon juice.

The Price of True Love

girl asking out a guy

Um, so, I just broke up with your best friend, but you wanna go out?

Dear ss,

Is it ok to ask a guy out after he has met my exboyfriend in the past? I have always liked this guy, and once I became single, I asked him out. He isn’t as wealthy as my ex,  however I’m looking for true love now. Please advise.

Sincerely,

K. via email

Dear K.,

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with asking out someone who has met your ex in the past. Unless there’s more to the situation that just that. (Like, they met and are now besties and you stand to create a huge rift in their friendship. Not that I think you would do that.) If they are merely acquaintances, who cares?

Though I am wondering how long you dated your ex and how long you waited after you broke up to ask the new guy out. Are you hesitant because your break up is still fresh? I’m a big believer in downtime between relationships. Even if you’re not feeling hurt by the break up per se, I think it’s important to wipe the slate clean with some time alone to regroup.

I think it’s great that you asked him out, and I’m glad you’re overlooking financial status. You can’t put a price on love. (Yes. That’s right. I used a terrible cliche. But you can’t.) I have to ask though, were you not looking for true love before??

xo, ss

Second Chances

brad womack

Just because he shows up with roses doesn't mean he deserves a second chance. Even The Bachelor Brad Womack. (ABC: I'm talking to you. Cut the cord.)

I had a LONG conversation last night about second chances. Second chances in the vein of when you think the he or she in your life deserves one. I’ve given a second chance – even a third and fourth – several times in my life. They haven’t worked. None were disastrous per se, but we mostly ended up re-enacting the orginal relationship we had–the one that didn’t work the first time. The second time around ended in exactly the same way as the first along with the compounded fatigue of having to work so hard just to make it…work. So much emotional labor.

My mom and dad always say dating relationships shouldn’t be that hard. The true trials and tests come along when you get married. Yes, relationships take work and sacrifice. But it should be feel good to put out that effort. The relationship should not want to make you stab out your eyeballs and/or need three naps a day because you are worn out from trying so hard.

But then, second chances to work for some people. I know they do. When is it right? Anyone have any stories?

Happy Valentine’s Day Lovies!

I love any day that involves jelly-filled gummy candy. You’ll find me at Trader Joe’s this eve in line for Lovey Gummy Tummies. xoxo

yummy tummy hearts

trader joe's tummy hearts